I never realized how much time I spend alone until today. On any given day during my break, I would wake up (usually after noon), get on my computer, check updated sites, go out to eat somewhere (maybe the mall, alone mind you), come back and spend the rest of the day on the computer. I don't go to bed until about 3.
Now, yes, I have done things with friends, but they either include a) sitting around doing nothing or b) sitting around thinking of things to do other than sitting around doing nothing.
Recently though I have done nothing, but by myself. I play NHL games on my X-Box 360, and do something related to my web comic, but thats IT. I don't enjoy all of this alone time. I mean, it's great to not have to be doing things like in school, but I like the company of others.
Now, my major gripe is the amount of effort I must exert to be able to spend time with others. I look at people around me and notice that there is an exchange of invitations going on. Apparently, real people ask each other if they want to "hang out" and stuff, and usually agree. From there, they proceed to have loads of fun, gaining a social life all the while.
For me, it feels largely one-sided. I put out a lot of "hey let's do something!" but I get a lot of static back. I don't know if this is a result of my lack of social ability, or something else, but it gets aggravating after the first few tries. OF course, if I keep trying to get people to do something with me, I start feel like I'm impeding on their plans, so I back off and go back to being alone. As a result, I'm alone because I am too afraid to not be. I don't want to affect other people so much that I'd rather be alone then change their plans.
What pisses me off the most, though, is the one time I try to do something about it--try to actively pursue something to do--I get snubbed. It's either "Well, I'd like to, but..." or "I'm doing something else" or just flat out being ignored.
It sucks. I hate being a loner, but that's all I can ever seem to be. I might as well get good at it.